Scott,

Just wanted to let you know that I have read the entire thread of conversation between you and Abhishek and I agree with both of you.

I focused on the exploitation angle here because I am generally frustrated with the way that gratitude is tossed around as an expectation in some interpersonal relationships as a way of glossing over other problems. I also grew frustrated of the way in which the virtue of gratitude became an expectation at the cultural level -- once again, seemingly as a way of glossing over other problems.

You can see a similar argument in Barbara Ehrenreich's book 'Brightsided,' which applies to happiness in general, but the basic idea -- that we are expected to ape positive emotions and endorse positive philosophies that are not self-chosen, and that we do not feel deep down, but are instead expected to try to feel -- applies to gratitude as well.

It's not really possible to capture all of the nuances of something like that in a six-minute Medium piece. Choices have to be made. I chose to focus on some things that I thought were especially important, such as the exploitation angle, and the idea of being grateful to yourself as a counterbalance to the expectation that you should be grateful to others.

But we are generally of a like mind, and I am glad to see that you and Abhishek took what I had written and used it as a springboard for your own discussion about the parts of gratitude that are important to you.

I do disagree on a single point, which is that it is not possible to enact a genuine attitude of gratefulness when your life has nothing going for it.

I think that in rare cases it is possible (see Viktor Frankl, for an example -- though he doesn't talk much of gratitude specifically). But rare cases are not meant to be the rule for everyone.

But one thing I do believe is that there is a difference between a virtue you pick for yourself and one that is expected of you. If there is anybody out there who has the ability to wake up and be genuinely grateful in spite of a life where they are facing great adversity and little success, it is somebody who has chosen gratitude for themselves, for their own reasons (reasons which I suspect are usually related to defiance of the status quo). It doesn't just happen because everyone in society agrees that it's a good thing and we should overlook all the bullshit. That's not even gratitude. It's just aping an emotion to turn a blind eye to all the mess.

(Note that I've posted a near-identical version of this note in response to Abhishek, just so I could make sure to reach both of you).

J